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We've been close companions for more than 20 years, who has overcome numerous challenges, which I admire. However, she's often blindsided by others. Her partner walked away, and it was an unexpected event. A lot of close acquaintances disappeared during that time, as they were only interested in her husband. It shocked her deeply. She put in greater energy in our friendship, likely understood more clearly what friendship was.

The Pattern With Friends Drifting Away

Throughout this period, quite a few of her friends have drifted apart leaving her knowing the cause. Her previous job suddenly changed toward her, despite the fact that she had been an excellent employee, she departed not understanding what had changed.

Present Situation

Lately, we have each retired so we're spending time together, but I am finding my position in the relationship feels one-sided. I introduce subjects but she shifts conversation onto what interests her. Politically, she holds unyielding views. I attempt to suggest verifying facts and different perspectives.

She's been planning a vacation abroad I've visited on several occasions and lived in previously. My intention was to offer advice, but this was unappreciated. She essentially only wanted my agreement with her choices. I have returned from a month in that place she is eager to meet, however, I hesitate.

Considering the Choices

I don't want to be a friend who abandons suddenly without explanation, however, I feel she can comprehend the impact of her actions on my confidence. Right now, I find myself in avoidance mode. How should I proceed?

Potential Solutions

One option is to walk away, however, that approach is not often the easy answer we imagine. But confrontation with the goal of working things out demands strength and openness on both your parts.

Professional advice indicates using a useful conflict resolution tool:

"Step one involves describing how things go during your discussions. It should be based on facts and basically exactly what occurs. Step two is to express how this makes you feel. Ideally, there's no disagreement here. What you feel are valid, naturally. Finally is to question how the two of you going to change the pattern in your relationship."

Keep in mind she too has a point of view, thus requiring you to be prepared to listen to her. An approach that works involves stating your friend:

"Please share your thoughts and I promise to listen without interrupting for a set time."

This can be successful for promoting understanding.

Key Takeaways

Your friend may dismiss your concerns, for those who hold onto a self-protecting mindset: they have a story regarding their experiences they cannot let go of because their very survival depends upon it and it's all they've known. This poses a challenge because there's no thoroughfare with these people, mere obstacles. But she may initially present defensively before reflecting your perspective. If a resolution isn't found an agreement, it will give you peace from having been open and direct.